Wednesday, December 28, 2005

2005 In Review

Here's my list of the most significant events of 2005, in chronological order. Thanks to Wikipedia for help.

December 2004

OK, I know that "December 2004" is, well, not in 2005, but an event that greatly impacted the year happened the last week of December. While we were all eating Christmas dinner, the tsunami was wiping out hundreds of thousands of lives. It wasn't until several days later that President Bush spoke our nation's condolences. Surely the response time to an American disaster would be quicker, right?

January 2005

President Bush took the oath of office (again), which he ignored (again). Iraq held free parlimentary elections, allowing Bush to declare victory in Iraq (again).

February 2005

North Korea declared that they do indeed have Nuclear Weapons, but they were ignored. Because we can only fight one, er, two wars at a time. Besides, Nukes are so 1960's. Iraq had Anthrax.....when we sold it to them in the 80's.

March 2005

The Republican Party further instituted their disregard for privacy, small government, and marital rights by using Terry Schiavo as a pawn. Finally, she was allowed to rest in peace. It also made for the best South Park episode ever.

April 2005

Pope John Paull II dies. For the first time in my life, the Catholics pick a new Pope. There have now been 4 Popes since Orrin Hatch was elected to the Senate.

May 2005

We found out that Mark Felt is Darth Vader. Or something like that...

June 2005

Michael Jackson was found innocent of killing OJ Simpson's wife.

July 2005

London is hit with 2 separate terrorist attacks, further proving that we are losing the War on Terror.

Hurricane Dennis hits Florida, further proving that we are losing the War on Hurricanes.

August 2005

Hurricane Katrina. Need I say more?

September 2005

It took 100 hours, but FEMA finally got food and water into New Orleans. Then, Hurricane Rita struck the region.

October 2005

Iraq votes on a referendum on the proposed Constitution, again allowing Bush to declare victory in Iraq.

Karl Rove prematurely declares victory over Fitzmas, until he is told that he's not clear yet.

November 2005

Jessica Simpson and her husband, Mr Jessica Simpson, break up. Millions are so upset that they start rioting in Paris.

December 2005

Hurricane Epsilon dies. President Bush declares victory in the War on Hurricanes. Democrats jump all over him, claiming that hurricane season will spring up again. Bill O'Reily gets upset, declaring that the Democrats are using hurricanes as a distracting to have the liberal media ignore the War on Christmas. He's just mad that he didn't think to write a book on the War on Hurricanes.

Oh, and Iraqis vote on something again. Bush declares victory again.

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