Monday, September 20, 2010

I Wish I Lived In Republicanland

Republicanland must be a great place to live. I want to visit some day.

You see, in Republicanland, saying you opponent is trying to take away Seminary from the religious majority by adding 2 more required high school classes (in a 4-year span) is having a good, clean, issue-based discussion. Yet pointing out that there might be something wrong in accepting cash from and meeting privately with people who are seeking government contracts is wrong is hitting "below the belt."

In Republicanland, having the CEO say he doesn't know what's going on in his company means he can get a huge bonus on his way out the door. If the CEO is a Republican Governor, he's a great leader who deserves to keep his job. Who needs to know who's really running the state? In Republicanland, it doesn't matter.

In Republicanland, when you are running up large deficits, it's OK to sue and get sued by the feds. It's also a great time to give tax breaks to rich people. It's also a great idea to give tax breaks to rich people in times of plenty, too. Even if that puts you in deficits. Any other reason (except for war) for going into deficit spending is a bad idea. Even if it puts people to work or helps them buy food.

In Repulicanland, saying your Democratic incumbent opponent is nothing but an empty seat is great campaigning. When it's pointed out that you got the facts wrong, it means that your opponent is slinging mud. (see here)

In Republicanland, a group that endorses both candidates obviously meant it to be the Republican candidate.

In Republicanland, you didn't raise taxes if the only taxes you raised was on cigarettes.

In Republicanland, other politicians are good people to have vouch for your integrity.

In Republicanland, parents should have the option of sending their kids to private school. Unless said parent ever wants to run as a Democrat. Because the only way to know that public schools are failing/succeeding (because in Republicanland, public schools are doing both of them, at the same time) is if your kids are in public schools. But you can know what's best for higher education if you never finished college, and went to a private college at that.

In Republicanland, you can love the constitution, even if you want to add two amendments and repeal three others.

In Republicanland, saying you trust the Utah Legislature more than Utah voters is a great way to get elected.

Republicanland is a big place. It encompasses cities such as Herbertville, Philpot Pharms, and Leeton. Am I missing any more wonderful parts of Republicanland?


No comments: