David Letterman's Top 10 -- Demands from the Writer's Strike

Stolen from JMBell:

10. “Complimentary tote bag with next insulting contract offer” — Tim Carvell, from “The Daily Show.”

9. “No rollbacks in health benefits, so I can treat the hypothermia I caught on the picket lines” — Laura Krafft, from “The Colbert Report.”

8. “Full salary and benefits for my imaginary writing partner, Lester” — Melissa Salmons, writer for daytime TV.

7. “Members of the AMPTP must explain what the hell AMPTP stands for” — Warren Leight, writer for “Law & Order: Criminal Intent.”

6. “No disciplinary action taken against any writer caught having inappropriate relationship with a copier” — Jay Katsir, from “The Colbert Report.”

5. “I’d like a date with a woman” — Steve Bodow, from “The Daily Show.”

4. “Hazard pay for breaking up fights on ‘The View’ ” — from writer and director Nora Ephron.

3. “I’m no accountant, but instead of us getting 4 cents for a $20 DVD, how about we get $20 for a 4-cent DVD?” — Gina Johnfrido of “Law & Order.”

2. “I don’t have a joke. I just want to remind everyone that we’re on strike, so none of us are responsible for this lame list” — Chris Albers from Conan O’Brien’s “Late Night.”

1. “Producers must immediately remove their heads from their —–” — author Alan Zweibel.