I detect a little sarcasm, but I'm not sure:
To the editor:
This letter is a whole-hearted endorsement of Gary R. Olsen’s letter dated Dec. 3, 2008. In his letter, Mr. Olsen expressed concern over the possibility that in the future gay couples might be featured on the Jumbotron at the Spectrum during the “kiss-the-girl” time out feature.
I share Mr. Olsen’s concern. The “kiss-the-girl” promotion has been used at sporting events across America for years now. Are we now willing to simply allow the gays the special rights of kissing on the Jumbotron? Why should we change a timeout promotion that has worked so well for so many years?
I received a viral e-mail the other day from a friend letting me know about the six consequences of allowing gay couples in on the Jumbotron kissing action. The viral e-mail is true because it comes from the same trusted friend who forwarded an e-mail letting me know that Barack Obama is a Muslim and isn’t even really a citizen of the United States!
First, if gay Jumbotron kisses are allowed at the Spectrum, children in Utah public schools will have to be taught that gay Jumbotron kisses are just as good as straight Jumbotron kisses. This is because Utah State is a public institution and if one public institution promotes gays, then all of them have to!
Second, if gay Jumbotron kisses are allowed at the Spectrum, churches may be sued over their tax exempt status if they refuse to allow gay Jumbotron kisses in their religious buildings open to the public.
Third, if gay Jumbotron kisses are allowed at the Spectrum, religious adoption agencies will be challenged by government agencies to give up their long-held right to place children only in homes with both a mother and a father. Catholic Charities in Boston already closed its doors in Massachusetts because gay Jumbotron kisses were allowed at Red Sox games.
Fourth, if gay Jumbotron kisses are allowed at the Spectrum, religions that sponsor private schools with married student housing may be required to provide housing for same-sex couples who want to kiss on the Jumbotron.
Fifth, if gay Jumbotron kisses are allowed at the Spectrum, ministers who preach against gay Jumbotron kisses may be sued for hate speech and risk government fines.
Sixth, if gay Jumbotron kisses are allowed at the Spectrum, it will cost you money. This change in the definition of Jumbotron kisses will bring a cascade of lawsuits. Even if courts eventually find in favor of a defender of traditional Jumbotron kisses (highly improbable given today’s activist judges), think of the money — your money — that will be spent on such legal battles.
Thomas R. Grover