Thursday, January 19, 2006

I'm a Card-Carrying Republican

Several of you are spitting out your hot cocoa right now at reading the headline, but it's true. I am now officially a card-carrying Republican.

Actually, "Bob Hacard" is. However, there is no Mr Hacard that lives at this address. I am the only Bob who lives here, so I assume they just misspelled my name. Maybe the person who confused Iraq's WMD with Iran's three years ago is in charge of database management for the RNC.

Anyway, I got a membership card and a personal letter from Ken Mehlman. It was even dated. Well, the date was "Friday morning," which we all know is the proper way to put the date on a letter. Who needs Months, Days, and Years?

So, now that I have a card, instantly become a Republican again, I now believe the following:

~George W Bush has the athority to break any law he wants to. Also, the constitution allows him to be the Supreme Commander of the United States.
~Anything said by Hillary Clinton is offensive and a lie, even if Republicans have said it. Likewise, anything said by King Rush, Prince Hannity, and Duke BillO, and Princess Coulter (who is like, a total babe I just discovered!!!) is Gospel Truth.
~Democrats hate Christmas.
~When Democrat's faces turn red, it anger, and that's bad for America. When Republican's faces turn red, it's justified.
~Even though the Bible tells me different, Itelligent Design is how the world was created.
~Larry Miller is the moral leader of Salt Lake County.
~Saddam personally flew planes into the World Trade Center on 9/11.

Maybe I can get Ken to send me a card with my name spelled correctly.


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